I feel emptiness suddenly...juz duno wat's happening to me. Seldom blogged in English but this time I really lazy to type in chinese. Dayao finally came to an end...i shud feel happy. I never regretted as a musician head for dayao 2010. Over the past 6 months, I learnt many things...sincerely from my heart...thanks to all d producing group and non-producing group members...thanks to all for making this event successful^^miss u guys. Maybe the problem that makes me feel empty suddenly might be...I'm not that busy anymore. Ya...had been busy all these times managing dayao musicians. I admitted that I'm not a good leader coz sometimes I'm kinda blur...anyway, its over and I feel relieved when seniors said I did a good job. But...i juz wan to noe, did I really did a good job? Juz dun like when ppl said that I did a good job when I don't feel I did a good job...can anyone tell me that...am I a good leader? I nid not to be good in playing music, or talented in music arrangement...I juz wan to noe that...have I manage it well?
After dayao, I'm totally exhausted...I have loads of assignments n presentations n tests as well...but I don't have the mood to do them...n I rested for two whole days. I was thinking a lot for these two days...really moody=.=Feel like talking to someone. Juz nid somebody to understand me...to share my problems. I nid a person who is a Christian to share my thinking...and only that believer in Christ can understand me I guess. As a Christian, I noe I shud put God in the first place. I tried hard to reach God, but defeated by my human nature...I'm so damn exhausted everyday n I realised that I neglected Him. I'm so called a Christian...am I really a Christian? Seldom attended church since I entered uni...what happen to me? To other people who dun understands me as a Christian, u might see that I'm joyful always n have a simple thinking. I have complicated thoughts...of coz non-believers will not understand me. I'm struggling. I noe...my faith is not strong in God. I am not an overcomer...an my journey to be an overcomer is far enough.
God first loved us, even when I have forgotten Him sometimes...He still guides me when I am in a depression. Shall I just only call upon His name when I'm not feeling good? I feel guilty many times because HE STILL LOVES ME and yet only I call upon His name when I'm in depression. Always asked for forgiveness...but have I totally repented? Nope. I'm sure of that...because I have a human nature. 2012...izit coming? I saw the world is losing control each single day...disasters, death, crimes...n I have a book in my hometown - Bible code. Have not read it...but in that book it reveals the signs in the Holy Bible that the world is going to come to an end. Indeed...many things has happened. Am I afraid of death? I can't answer this right now. As a so called Christian, I shud not be afraid of death. Ya..a so called "Christian". Christians do not have an easy life...because each and everyday...we struggled. I do not treat Chrstianity as a religion as other people from other religions sees us as a religion. I noe that I am a beloved child of God, a believer of Jesus...n i sinned many times...repeated sins. I nid some advice on this...haiz. Honestly, I do not like the movie 2012. I don't know why...I was impressed by the producers of the movie from the animations n graphics...but not the storyline. It was kinda......making me sick. Not b'coz of the world ends. But something that I don't know.
Borned in a Buddhist family, I have been a so called Christian for over 10 years, baptized...but, I can feel I'm not wholly devoted. I said my prayers, read the word of God, attended church...yet...I do not feel much satisfaction with what I have in God. I need more. Of course, I'm just a normal human...I can sin easily, influenced easily by the world...which I am now. And feeling guilty is a sin as well...Satan's trap. I juz can't hold it...b'coz I do not have a strong faith in God. I'm still struggling...I have always encourage my Christian brothers n sisters in Christ to seek God in the 1st place when depressed...yet...I have failed to do it...I hope that I can improve on this...and I believe I will do it.
Juz feel moody these days...have been thinking too much when I do nothing...though I had many things to do...i had stopped listening to songs these 2 days...juz started back now. Juz wondering why I'm so emo...
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you really have done a good job as a musician leader. U have given your time for this event, and everyone could see that. it's hard for dayao to get another musician head like you. your may not be the BEST musician around, but no one can argue that without you, even the best musician cannot perform in DTC on dayao nite. so... trust me, you have really done well~~ =)
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